you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
