It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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