If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i now understand why vodka
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
