Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
