tell your sister to shave her snatch
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
