i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
