I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
