Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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