i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
