okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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