you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
