dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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