College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
