Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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