i jhust puked up my retainher.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
