my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
