Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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