Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
