lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
