there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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