what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
