That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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