Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
