he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
