At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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