I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
