no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
