brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
