fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
