Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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