she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
