I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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