Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
