Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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