I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like eating out sand paper
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
