OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
