yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
