Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
