exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the day after is always just damage control
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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