Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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