If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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