What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
