were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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