God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
