I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
