please come you make the beer taste better
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need water and some morals
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
