I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
