This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
