I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
