She's like a pop up book from hell.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
