Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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